I never tire of the Lakers losing

I don't care that they suck and are no match for the Spurs. I still love watching the Lakers lose. The Spurs, except for about a nine minute span in the third quarter, really weren't all that impressive, but that run - it was something like 30-6 - was just more than a mediocre team like the Lakers could overcome.

The Spurs found their defense in LA. Duncan looked fresh in both games. After going a month without any 20 point games, you can seemingly put him down for 20 and 12 or so every night again. Tonight, they finally went to the backcourt of Barry and Ginobili when Parker was on the bench, and it wasn't all that hot. I hope they give that some more minutes in the last ten games. I think the ball-handling is fine between the two of them, but those minutes were the time the Lakers made their most headway, cutting the eighteen point lead in half.

Bottom line is that the Spurs have to be considered the prohibitive favorite to win the West. Homecourt is now almost a formality throughout the Western Conference, as the Spurs two game lead is functionally three. Even if Dallas wins down here next week to split the season series, the Spurs will have the tie-breaker in their favor by having a better conference record. With ten games to play, and seven of them home games and six of them against teams out of the playoffs, it is tough to imagine the Spurs losing more than two games the rest of the way. Which, for the record, would give them the best record in franchise history. Not bad considering Ginobili has had a poor year with injuries and Duncan the least productive year since his rookie campaign.

Crazy Hair Day

Katie's school is having a Crazy Hair Day tomorrow. Evidently, there is children's book by this title, and the children's museum in town is sponsoring this book and an event this weekend. So all of the kids were encouraged to come to school tomorrow with crazy hair. Katie was due for a haircut, so I took her to the place where she usually gets her hair cut, and they cut it, and then went a little crazy, and voila, .........

Goodbye, my lover

My sister in law sent me this song.

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.

You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

year three

And now it is the start of year three.

Today was actually quite a peaceful day. I took the day off from work, and dropped Katie off at school and caught a nap, which was key after getting in so late on Sunday night from Dallas. I went down to lunch at Spaghetti Warehouse, where we had our first date back on November 4, 1993.

I went to Trinity for a little while after lunch. I took them the money for Becky's scholarship for the year. Spent some time sitting around the fountain now that Northrup Hall is finished being renovated. But then it started to rain, and so I headed into Parker Chapel for a while. Fortunately, Dr. Heller was practicing on the organ; he plays magnificently, and it is a beautiful instrument. And so that provided a nice backdrop for silence internally. Several times I had to force dumb thoughts out of my head, but that is just par for the course with my head.

And before I knew it, it was time to pick up Katie. We went to the gym and then to Best Buy; I am getting the satellite radio fixed in my car. While we were there, we picked up a couple new Disney discs for the karaoke machine. One of them is inspired by the Chicken Little movie, but it has some fun pop songs on there. Katie was having fun with Ain't No Mountain High Enough and I Will Survive. And I had fun singing It's the End of the World as We Know It (But I feel fine). We just got the movie on DVD but haven't watched it yet.

Then we had dinner at Shanghai, and shared Becky's favorite dish - sesame chicken - and crab rangoon. I didn't mention to Katie what today was. I don't know if I should have or not, but my instincts are usually good about this. I don't know what purpose it would have served unless I was feeling sad and wanted her to understand why. But I was in high spirits today. I needed the quiet time to myself, so I took it, and it was a good day.

The Dance

Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared 'neath the stars above
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye

And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd've had to miss the dance

Holding you I held everything
For a moment wasn't I a king
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all

And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd've had to miss the dance

Yes my life is better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
but I'd've had to miss the dance

two years

Well, here it is. We have made it to the day.

I have been away from the computer for most of the last couple days. I went up to Dallas for the fantasy baseball draft on Saturday, and didn't get back until almost 2:30 am, so I operated on four hours of sleep today. But it has been a peaceful day. Everwood made its long awaited reappearance on television tonight with two episodes. I have only seen the first one so far, the other is waiting for tomorrow on TiVO.

The baseball draft was exactly what I needed this weekend. I had the long drives to be contemplative and lose myself in my thoughts. I needed some time for that. And then I had the hours of the draft, where I was engaged enough picking players and insulting the other teams' picks that I could just me normal for a day. Throw in the unintentional comedy of Pat's softball games, and flirting with this hottie Pat and Bonnie had at their house afterwards while I was doing their taxes. I do not think I am too old for a 23 year old, but maybe I am....... but she was sure nice to look at.

The thing I remember most about the day Becky died is that it was a pretty good day. It was a beautiful spring day in Nacogdoches. The morning was scary; Becky had a horrible time getting her breath on Saturday night, and for the first time we had raised her oxygen machine up a couple of levels. Even then, in the morning, she was completely unable to catch her breath, and barely made it into the bathroom from the bed and couldn't make it back again. So we called the ambulance and they took her to the hospital. But once they had put her on a high-flow oxygen, she perked up and was stronger than she had been in several days. And we had a nice time; her mom came to visit; she was planning on spending that next week with us, and when we called her dad to let him know she was going to the hospital, they decided to drive up from Houston. I remember thinking it was silly for them to do so, and now I am so thankful that they did.

On the high flow, she had a good day. She spent some time grading papers for school, talking about reports the students had done and how she was going to change them for summer school.

I don't think about the last couple of hours very often. I don't think about how all of a sudden at about a quarter to eight her breathing became labored, about how by a little after eight she had lost consciousness and was rushed to ICU. I don't think about seeing the scans they had taken that morning. I only saw them once, and for just a couple of seconds, but I can see them in my mind's eye just as if they were on this screen. I knew in one moment that she would never regain consciousness. I knew that she was going to die, and that it was up to me to make it as easy as possible for her and her parents. I don't think very often about all the questions that we had never asked each other about something like this; the end came just too quickly. I don't think about how I faked confidence in making those decisions because I could not ask the opinions of her parents. I don't think about going in to see her, with her limbs cramping from the lack of oxygen even though she was on a ventilator.

I do think often about the last conversation we had. I did all the talking, but she responded to my voice, and tried to look in my direction though she couldn't see. My voice is the last thing she ever responded to, and I do think often about the three promises I made to her that night. I do think about giving her permission to die, and seeing her instantaneously ceasing to battle.

I can remember all of these things in vivid detail, but I only think about a few of them very often. I remember the license plate of the car I drove behind as I took the loop home from the hospital, and I remember the eerie sound of silence when I turned off her oxygen machine that had helped sustain her for so many weeks. I remember lying down, and I remember Katie getting home with my parents in the middle of the night, and the conversation we had that night, and how precisely she remembered it in the morning when she woke up.

And then, a blur. I don't remember much of anything of the next eight weeks, certainly nothing with the exactness of March 28, 2004.

It is amazing to me that I have gone to bed 730 times now without my arm resting on her hip, without her cold feet warming themselves on my calves, without watching her brush her hair at night and again in the morning. It has been at least 730 nights since I have scratched her back, though I still keep my nails at exactly the length she liked them for back-scratching. When I stop typing for a moment and let my fingertips rest, I can feel the texture of her skin on my fingers. I can smell her shampoo. I can hear her voice. I can see her smile light up my day, and I can taste her lips.

And somehow I am supposed to believe she has been dead for two years.

it is not fair

The thing I remember most from two years ago tonight is a conversation we had just before bed. Becky said to me, "This just isn't fair."

It is not remarkable that she thought that. It is not remarkable that I think that now. But what is remarkable is that this was the first time she ever verbalized that to me. The first time I ever saw a crack in her confidence that she would recover. She was scared; we both were. But she was never as open about her doubt as she was that night. I don't know why it took fourteen months after being diagnosed to express the completely obvious. Of course it wasn't fair.

But Becky had this amazing attitude. It didn't matter how we got to where we were. It only mattered where we went from there. She was always like that. Always easy to forgive mistakes. Back in the days when we were just scraping by, I got a traffic ticket, and I expected her to hit the ceiling. And she didn't. It just wasn't her style, always looking forward.

But on this night, she knew I think that she was going to die relatively soon. Maybe not, maybe that is me imposing what happened and looking for some signs that she knew. I hope she came to some terms with it, though the end happened so quickly we never got to talk about so many things. So maybe that is all that this is. But I think it is more.

I have been reading the Chronicles of Narnia with Katie for the last several weeks. And there is a passage in the third book, called a Horse and His Boy, that I have been thinking about for quite a while. Aslan is the God-character in this series of books. And he appears alongside Shasta during a desperate time for the boy, and Aslan tells him about the places in this journey where he has helped him out. In the meantime, something bad had happened to another character in the book, and Shasta questions him about that. "I only talk to a person about his or her own story."

How wise that is, and how important that is to my own life. The last month or so I have been feeling anger towards God again, which has been relatively rare for me in my grief journey. Certainly it was true in the immediate aftermath of her death. But for the most part, I have been able to appreciate the blessings in my own life because my life is so blessed. I have Katie, what else needs to be said?

But then there comes times when I want to ask all the questions from Becky's perspective. How the heck was this right? How could this happen? It has helped me to focus on the idea that my answers are for me, and that Becky's answers are for her. I certainly hope we get to compare notes someday.

a good day

Today was a productive day at work. Wednesday is my long day, and I got a lot done, which is nice. Hopefully, we can get back caught up a little bit after the craziness of the last several weeks.

The Spurs are just garbage on the second night of back to backs. Maybe they can make a game out of this thing tonight, but I am not counting on it. Denver is fundamentally garbage; they are certainly no better than the fifth best team in the west. I don't think there is much chance of a post-season matchup with the Spurs; they will almost assuredly be on opposite sides of the draw, and I don't see them winning against Phoenix even if they survive a hot Kings team, who I think will rise to the six seed.

And now for the second half and then bed.

two years ago today again

On the continuing theme of what was going on two years ago at this time .....

Yesterday was the fantasy baseball draft in Dallas. I remember being so relaxed there, thinking things were really going well for us still. Talking to Pat and Greg and Greg in particular, and just not thinking anything dramatic yet.

Today we went to the mall. It was Sunday, and Becky needed some new clothes to teach the summer semester. We went to Lufkin, and we were able to walk up and down the mall and went to Penney's and had a nice time. We had dinner at the Applebee's across of Highway 59 from the mall, and Becky had the crispy orange chicken that she loved there so much.

Today was a really good day two years ago ... perhaps too much so, as Becky was very tired when we came home, and she never really recovered her steam on Monday either, and then there was the decline that would last the next week.

long, busy day

It was a long and busy day at work today, but at least I got a lot accomplished. Mondays always start out fairly dull. I pick up the money out of the parking lot meter on Sunday morning, and it has to be unraveled, counted, and taken to the bank. Patrons have to fold up the bills to slip them in the little slots, and it takes well over an hour to do the weekend count, which is usually somewhere in the $800 - $1000 range, almost all in ones and fives. And by the time that is done, it is time to get the money out for Monday. So usually, it is almost 11 and all I have done is gotten money from the parking lot to the bank. On the other hand, it is kind of nice to ease into the week with a pretty brainless task. And it is work that has to be done, so it may as well be me, I guess.

But then there were plenty of checks to print, have signed and mailed, the contributions to enter, random accounting questions to deal with. I helped Joe get ready for the finance committee meeting tonight. Usual stuff, but a long day, especially when it is capped off by a meeting like this one.

And now, since I seem to have been posting a lot of lyrics lately ......

Everybody Likes a celebration
Happy music and conversation
I'd be lying if I said I didn't have the blues
In the corner there's a couple dancing
From the kitchen I can hear them laughing
Oh I wish I was celebrating too

I know this night won't last forever
I know the sun is gonna shine sometime
I need some hope for a bright tomorrow
And I know this heart is gonna mend just fine

modified lyrics

Alone in this house again tonight
I got the TV on, the sound turned down and a bottle of wine
There's pictures of you and I on the walls around me
The way that it was and could have been surrounds me
I'll never get over you being taken away ......

Would it help if I turned a sad song on?
"All By Myself" would sure hit me hard now that you're gone
Or maybe unfold some old yellow lost love letters
It's gonna hurt bad before it gets better
But I'll never get over you by hidin' this way

I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry

another week

Schools open tomorrow, thankfully. It is tough on Katie, I think, to lose the structure of the school week. I think she tires of being around us adults all the time. We don't do as good a job as keeping her on her schedule, so her sleep is disrupted, which makes her moodier than usual, which was certainly the case today. Quick swings from joy to anger from her today.

It is finally storming here now. It has been gray and drizzly for two days, and finally the sky rages with thunder and the rain comes down. It feels like me these last couple of weeks. I have felt the grief clouds gathering, but it has just been drizzle so far. The days are pregnant. But the first rule of fight club is that you don't talk about fight club.

And so it is on to another week. Next week will be a bad week to miss church, but I will be in Dallas for the fantasy baseball draft. And now my internet connection is down from the storm, so I am saving this to hopefully publish tomorrow.

going to the big game tonight

We are off to see the Spurs in a while. It is a big game. Phoenix comes in clicking on all cylinders, averaging into the 120's or so in the last couple of games. The Spurs have had two nights off, and it is on their home floor, so this is a game they need to have. The bottom line is that they are something like 47-6 with at least one night off, and they are 3-8 on the second night of back to backs. I think it is something like that.

And so I continue to like their chances in the play-offs when there won't be games on consecutive nights.

But if that theory is to hold water, they need to win tonight. We will be there, in black and silver and green.

a better day today

Today has been a much better day than yesterday.

A couple of very mediocre dates has been replaced by the new excitement that comes from a new e-harmony match that seems very appealling. She seems like my kind of woman, even called herself a dork.

And it has just been less emotional today. One thing that helped was getting a call from a good friend who needed my help today. There is nothing like listening to someone else's story and trying to be a friend and just trying to relate to take my mind off of my own situation. So if you are planning on scheduling crises in which you need my help, between now and March 28 would be best. I can most use the distraction then.

Katie and I had a fun night. A little pillow fighting, a little wrestling, no karaoke since we took the machine to grandma and grandpa's house, so that was disappointing to us. And we are already in the fourth book of Narnia, which is probably my second favorite of these to LWW. Though that is based on when I read them almost a quarter century ago. And if you think that makes me old, think about how my poor mother must feel reading that.

everywhere

Maybe in
Oklahoma drivin' cross the prairie
In Dallas, Texas isn't that where we
Always said we would like to try.
Never did, so maybe that's why
You're on
Every highway just beyond the highbeams.
Right beside me in all of my sweet dreams.
No matter where you choose to be,
In my heart I'll always see you in
Albuquerque, waitin' out a blizzard.
In Arizona, dancin' cross the desert.
Watchin' the sun set in Monterey.
Girl, I swear just the other day you were
Down in Georgia pickin' them peaches.
In Carolina barefoot on the beaches.
No matter where you choose to be
In my heart I'll always see you
Everywhere.

two years ago today

It was two years ago today that we went to the zoo in Tyler. Katie's cousin Nickolas had come to spend a few days with us in Nacogdoches, and we went with the Stovalls to Tyler. We had lunch at Chuck E. Cheese, and we were all in such high spirits. Becky was without her oxygen in the restaurant, playing with Nick and Katie, putting them on carousel horses and showing just a ton of energy.

This day was an amazing day. At the zoo, we got a wheelchair for Becky to ride in because it was far too far for her to walk. But we had such fun. Katie has always loved the zoo, and we had gone to this zoo plenty in the 21 months we had been in Nacogdoches. And so we spent most of our time with her favorite animals there; the cheetahs and leopards and then back in the big exhibit where you could see the giraffes and elephants.

Sarah brought her camera, and we have plenty of pictures from that day. But this one is the one I love, the one that has brought me so much comfort for two years. This picture reminds me that even in the last days of this battle, we were happy. Stressed, of course, desperate for something to work to cure her, yes, but happy. It reminds me of the obvious love between mother and daughter, reminds me that Katie never saw Becky as anything other than Mommy, not sick or disabled or sad or dying.

For this picture, not even a thousand words would do it justice. This picture is one of the greatest gifts I have been given.

It is now less than two weeks until the two year anniversary. We are to the time where I can remember what we were doing everyday, almost every hour, so vividly. I am deep in the emotion right now; it is just bubbling out of me. Work has been somewhat more stressful than usual the last couple of weeks, though my guess is that my reduced efficiency from being so emotional is causing as much of the stress as anything else. It is different than last year, for sure, when I was partly in a fog and partly insisting to everyone how well I was doing. This year, I am not in a fog, though part of me wishes I were. And I am not insisting anything about anything.

exhausted

It is the end of a long weekend, and I am tired. The kiddos just took it out of me.

Katie is on spring break, and my grandfather is down to visit for a time, which is all awesome. And we have Spurs tickets for Friday night. And a poker game scheduled for Saturday night. So this week should be a fun week. I need it. I am tired, and hence off to bed with me.

asleep at last

I think.

The slumber party has been fun. The kids were almost asleep at 9:45, but then there were two cats mating in the alley outside their room, which scared the crap out of them. And so they moved the party into the living room, which annoys me because I had been in the middle of a movie, but in the grand scheme of things is no big deal.

We had a blast at dinner, which was fun. They played on the playground, and then ate, and then played some more. We came home and they changed clothes again and again and danced and bickered and played and bickered, basically exactly what one should expect from five five year olds.

And now that they are asleep, I had better get there myself. Who knows when they will start waking up.

Paint Me a Birmingham

I heard this song from Tracy Lawrence on the radio today, which according to my Itunes search was released on March 30, 2004, two days after Becky died.

I just found out Tracy Lawrence will be in San Antonio in concert in May. I might just have to get some tickets for that.


He was sitting’ there, his brush in hand
Painting’ waves as they danced, upon the sand
With every stroke, he brought to life
The deep blue of the ocean against the morning’ sky
I asked him if he only painted ocean scenes
He said for twenty dollars, I’ll paint you anything

Could you Paint Me A Birmingham
Make it look just the way I planned
A little house on the edge of town
Porch going’ all the way around
Put her there in the front yard swing
Cotton dress, make it early spring
For a while, she’ll be mine again
If you can Paint Me A Birmingham

He looked at me, with knowing eyes
Then took a canvas from a bag there by his side
Picked up a brush, and said to me
Son, just where in this picture would you like to be
And I said if there’s any way you can
Could you paint me back into her arms again?

Could you Paint Me A Birmingham
Make it look just the way I planned
A little house on the edge of town
Porch going all the way around
Put her there in the front yard swing
Cotton dress, make it early spring
For a while, she’ll be mine again
If you can Paint Me A Birmingham

Paint Me A Birmingham
Make it look just the way I planned
A little house on the edge of town
Porch going all the way around
Put her there in the front yard swing
Cotton dress, make it early spring
For a while, she’ll be mine again
If you can Paint Me A Birmingham

Oh, paint me a Birmingham

Clippers are better than I thought

I was very impressed with the Clippers game tonight. I haven't seen them much. Brand is slimmer, I think, than years past, and it makes for much more quickness. He was the best player on the floor tonight. What was most impressive, though, was the defense of the Clippers. They scramble, disrupt passing lanes, rotate from double teams as well as any team in the league, or at least they did tonight.

The Spurs are now 4-7 in the second game of back-to-backs. Which makes them 43-6 on the season in games with at least one day's rest. And that, I guess, is the silver lining of this thing, for when the play-offs begin, back to back sets are a thing of the past.

Houston, by the way, has yet to win a divisional game so far this season. The only team in the league for which that is true. Of course, it doesn't help to be in the toughest division in the league, but still. They were supposed to threaten the Spurs this year.

Let's just hope the Spurs have their legs back on Thursday night. I, for one, am ready for them to be done with this roadtrip. I need to be in bed by now.

a key difference

After watching the Spurs whip the Lakers tonight in their place, the key difference between this team and prior Spurs teams was in evidence, as it has been recently, and that is their offensive explosiveness. As Kobe went nuts in the fourth quarter, scoring seemingly at will, the Spurs didn't have to just wait for him to cool down as they would in prior years. They kept scoring right with him.

From the time there was 7:28 left in the game until there was 2:32 left, using the espn.com play by play, Kobe scored 15 points, and he had 17 for the quarter. But during that huge flourish by the Lakers, they managed to cut only four points off the lead because Parker and Finley were going nuts on the other end. Manu had a gigantic third quarter, including three treys in under a minute in one stretch. Even with Duncan sitting out down the stretch because he was poked in the eye and gouged in the nose, the Spurs kept the Lakers at arm's length. But it was because of their offense, not their defense.

If Finley and Barry can continue to contribute off the bench the way they have recently, the Spurs are going to be in great shape. Duncan has looked much better the last three weeks, and now it is even translating into him hitting some shots. Manu showed signs of coming around. The two-headed center monster is playing better than we could have expected. And Horry was huge against Dallas. It is annoying he got the suspension immediately afterward, but if he contributes the way he can, then this team has exactly one weakness, the back-up point guard. And I think when push comes to shove, you will see Manu and Brent on the floor together as a tandem splitting the point guard duty. Not only do I think this team wins its fourth title in eight years, I think right now this is the best team the Spurs have ever put on the floor.

This week will be interesting. The Spurs have struggled in back-to-backs all season, and they have four games in five nights, followed by a day off and a Sunday afternoon game, and all of these games against quality opponents. Tomorrow night could be a first round preview against the Clippers if they finish in the 4-5 slots. Then off to Phoenix, who put a licking on Dallas in Dallas the other night and almost assuredly will be the 2 seed in the west. Then home again for the Lakers Friday and the Rockets on Sunday, who have played well when both Yao and McGrady play.

And even with all of that, I fully expect them to win each of these games, and would be shocked if they ran this stretch any worse than 4-1.

the questionnaire

I mentioned a few posts ago that I was filling out a questionnaire for a doctoral dissertation for a woman at Drake University. I thought I would go ahead and put some of the stuff here as stories some of you may not know. And feel free to correct any details that are wrong. I have a horrible memory for details. I will post more of the answers as I finish them.


Please share the history of your marriage prior to the diagnosis and illness of your spouse:

Becky and I met in the fall of 1992 when she was a sophmore in college and I was a junior. We were both mathematics majors at Trinity University, and she was taking the statistics sequence with two of my best friends. She also was the roommate of a friend of mine with whom I played sand volleyball three times per week. We were friends for over a year before we started dating – our first date was November 4, 1993, and we were quickly in love. I remember telling my brother Thanksgiving of that year (just three weeks after our first date) that she was the one, and I never again doubted it.

I graduated from college in 1994 and went to graduate school in Chapel Hill, NC while Becky had one more semester to finish her degree, so we had six months of long-distance relationship. We were engaged by then, but too poor to afford a ring, so none of our family seemed to take the engagement seriously. This didn’t bother us as we felt like we were establishing the parameters of our own relationship and the opinions of anyone else didn’t matter much.

Becky graduated in December of 1994, and moved to North Carolina in January, and we had an apartment together there for eight months. We decided that the better place to pursue our degrees was at Florida State, so we moved to Tallahassee in August 1995, and ultimately Becky received her PhD in mathematics from FSU in 2002. We married on December 29, 1997 – we would have married sooner except that her parents were going through a difficult divorce, and frankly we couldn’t trust them to be civil together. Our daughter Katie was born on June 24, 2000, the perfection of our love and life together made into flesh. She was, is, and will always be a living monument to Becky.

I think our marriage was like most. We loved each other deeply, and we were partners in the best sense of the word. We each had things we were better at or enjoyed more and shared responsibilities that way. She paid the bills, for example, but I managed our retirement and investment accounts and did our taxes. I did the lawn work and took out the trash; she cleaned the inside of the house. She also did all the maintenance stuff because I am clueless about that kind of thing.

I wish I had appreciated her more during this time. We were best friends, but each had our own interests. I played bridge and tennis and was out of the house doing that a lot. She made crafts – every member of our families has a blanket she crocheted, or a tablecloth, or something. And our house was always filled with the cross-stitch things she had made as well. I took her for granted more than I should have in those years. Friday night was usually a date night, usually dinner out and a movie, until Katie was born. Then our lives revolved around her, and I mean that pleasantly. Not that it was a gigantic sacrifice. I gave up playing bridge then and she was an amazing mom. She had no ego and could not be embarrassed by Katie. So if she wanted to throw a tantrum on the floor in Walmart, or whatever, Becky would just stand back and laugh. And then Katie realized that tantrums didn’t get her anything, and she quit.

In the summer of 2002, we moved to Nacogdoches, TX, out in the east Texas pine forests. It is a beautiful community, and Becky was the newest assistant math professor at Stephen F. Austin State University and I took a job at a local CPA firm. I had hopes of finishing my PhD, but we picked a town too far from any university with a PhD program in accounting, so I decided to continue working. From the moment we ventured into Nacogdoches on the day of her interview in March, it was home to us. We found a home that chose us as much as we chose it. She was immediately part of a family at SFA in the math department there. Katie was in an amazing daycare and took to it immediately.

And our relationship had never been closer. Becky was doing exactly what she wanted to be doing professionally. She wanted to work with math teachers, not teaching education but teaching mathematics, and there is a federal grant at SFA that does just that and she fit the program perfectly. Of course, the salary jump from graduate student to professor was nice for the family, and we spent the summer doing things responsible parents and people do, purchasing life insurance, writing wills, saving money for retirement and college for Katie, which we had started before but undertook in earnest. We arranged our work schedules so that we were both off one afternoon and we had three or four hours together every week while Katie was in day care, and that was such an amazing blessing to our relationship. I don’t think we were ever closer emotionally, mentally, sexually than we were in that time leading up to her diagnosis.

a bitch-slapping

That is the only way to describe the Spurs beating up the Mavs tonight. The Mavs jumped out early, leading by as much as twelve late in the first quarter. And then the champs systematically dismantled them the rest of the way. Bowen is in the jersey, but more importantly, in the head of Nowitzki. I don't know how he could have played better than he did tonight. The Spurs got mediocre performances from Duncan and Ginobili. Maybe a little better than mediocre from Duncan but worse than that from Ginobili, and they handled Dallas comfortably.

Brent Barry continued his strong play since the trading deadline, providing a much needed spark tonight. Nazr Muhammed was outstanding, particularly in the third quarter. The Mavericks led this game most of the way; it wasn't until the middle of the third quarter before the Spurs took their second lead of the game - the first was 2-0. But they were outplayed in every facet tonight. They got strong games from Terry and Howard and numbers from Nowitzki.

This leaves the two teams tied in the standings. But the Spurs have a somewhat favorable schedule down the stretch and the last meeting will again be in San Antonio. The Spurs lead the season series 2-1, and so even if they lose the next meeting, can hold the tie-breaker with a better division or conference record, which seems very certain given the current records.

But the bigger issue is not about who finishes the one seed and who finishes the four seed. The Spurs have three championships; the Mavericks have never been to the finals. The Spurs have won the division title basically every time in the Mavericks face in recent memory. I hope they like those bridesmaid dresses up in Dallas.

the joy of e-harmony

It can almost be a part-time job being on e-harmony. I had forgotten about that. You will have weeks and months with basically nobody of interest, and then you will have periods with several interesting and delightful women all at the same time.

The good news is I am in one of those periods.

And then I am at lunch yesterday after a very nurturing Ash Wednesday service, and a good friend from church introduces me to a very nice and attractive lawyer she has been eyeing for me. We will be having lunch one day next week.

I am so excited about going to Vermont. It is going to be a blast.