On being a grown up

I have mentioned in this space before how much I enjoy Frederick Buechner's writing. I have been most recently reading "The Season's Difference," which has thus far not really captured my attention. The books on Leo Bebb were amazing, and this is just not to that level.

And yet, then you come to passages like this one ....

"It's only in a fairy tale," he went on, taking his time, "only in a story written for children, that you can trust life -- not really life, you understand -- to that extent; where you're told and can be certain that if a particular thing happens or does not happen, all will be well. If only the prince can kill the dragon and set the princess free, you're promised they'll live happily ever after, and you know they will, Peter, and they do! But in the real world, my friend," the softness left his eyes, "and in tragedy too - how funny it should apply to them both - you can't help but realize that no such problem is made or, if it is, that the chances are it will be broken, broken because there are the haggling, miserly demands of so many other facts and conditions, and the world is no longer innocent enough, as perhaps it once was, to be unaware of them and to live a good and happy life on the simple basis of the fairy tale: do this, and all will go well for you. In real life, Peter, you not only have to kill the dragon and set the princess free, but you have have to set a hundred other and less innocent things free, too, and imprison as many more; you may have to kill more than one dragon, maybe thirteen, maybe even yourself, and even then, when you've done all of this, done it nobly and well, the whole situation will have changed. Then you may discover that all you've done was not only unnecessary but sometimes even worse than that, sometimes even as wrong and harmful as you thought it was right and good."




Even in the middle of an otherwise mediocre novel - thus far, there is still time for it to grow and become more than I expect - there are bits like this that make the whole endeavor worth the time.

two and a half years

It was about halfway through the afternoon when I realized it was 2.5 years ago that Becky died.

There was a time when I counted the days, and a time when I counted the weeks, and a time when I counted the months. And now I am to the point where a half year almost slipped by without me noticing. Will I ever not notice when another year has passed? Do I want that to happen?

Heck if I know.

It has been a busy time at work. Tomorrow is the end of the fiscal year, so there is tons of work to do surrounding that. I am going to a conference in Houston in a couple of weeks.

I started Katie into a group counselling thing sponsored by the Children's Bereavement Center here in SA. Anyone looking for a charity to support need look no further. All of their services are free to families who have lossed a loved one. They have groups for children who have lost parents, grandparents, or siblings. And they have adult support groups that take place while the children have their group. Our first actual group meeting will be Monday night, so I will have more to report then, I guess.

Katie is doing fabulously well at school. Her reading and writing have skyrocketed. She is reading chapter books easily by herself, and now I tuck her into bed at night and she reads for a bit, and then she gets out of bed and writes me a note on her whiteboard easel. I go to turn out the lights after an hour or so has passed and she is asleep, and I erase her note and write one back to her.

Talk about a memory to treasure.

This wouldn't publish for some reason last night. So I am trying again this morning.

two and a half years

It was about halfway through the afternoon when I realized it was 2.5 years ago that Becky died.

There was a time when I counted the days, and a time when I counted the weeks, and a time when I counted the months. And now I am to the point where a half year almost slipped by without me noticing. Will I ever not notice when another year has passed? Do I want that to happen?

Heck if I know.

It has been a busy time at work. Tomorrow is the end of the fiscal year, so there is tons of work to do surrounding that. I am going to a conference in Houston in a couple of weeks.

I started Katie into a group counselling thing sponsored by the Children's Bereavement Center here in SA. Anyone looking for a charity to support need look no further. All of their services are free to families who have lossed a loved one. They have groups for children who have lost parents, grandparents, or siblings. And they have adult support groups that take place while the children have their group. Our first actual group meeting will be Monday night, so I will have more to report then, I guess.

Katie is doing fabulously well at school. Her reading and writing have skyrocketed. She is reading chapter books easily by herself, and now I tuck her into bed at night and she reads for a bit, and then she gets out of bed and writes me a note on her whiteboard easel. I go to turn out the lights after an hour or so has passed and she is asleep, and I erase her note and write one back to her.

Talk about a memory to treasure.

I am off to bed.

two and a half years

It was about halfway through the afternoon when I realized it was 2.5 years ago that Becky died.

There was a time when I counted the days, and a time when I counted the weeks, and a time when I counted the months. And now I am to the point where a half year almost slipped by without me noticing. Will I ever not notice when another year has passed? Do I want that to happen?

Heck if I know.

It has been a busy time at work. Tomorrow is the end of the fiscal year, so there is tons of work to do surrounding that. I am going to a conference in Houston in a couple of weeks.

I started Katie into a group counselling thing sponsored by the Children's Bereavement Center here in SA. Anyone looking for a charity to support need look no further. All of their services are free to families who have lossed a loved one. They have groups for children who have lost parents, grandparents, or siblings. And they have adult support groups that take place while the children have their group. Our first actual group meeting will be Monday night, so I will have more to report then, I guess.

Katie is doing fabulously well at school. Her reading and writing have skyrocketed. She is reading chapter books easily by herself, and now I tuck her into bed at night and she reads for a bit, and then she gets out of bed and writes me a note on her whiteboard easel. I go to turn out the lights after an hour or so has passed and she is asleep, and I erase her note and write one back to her.

Talk about a memory to treasure.

I am off to bed.

Wherever you are

This desert wind is burnin’ my face again
God I’m missin’ you
Been runnin’ blind under a broken sky
With regrets I was sorting through
But lesson learned baby
I’ve made the turn

Wherever you are
No matter how far
Girl I’m gonna find my way to you
Through rivers of rain
Over mountains of pain
Do whatever on earth I’ve gotta do
I’ll follow the dream I’ll follow my heart
Girl I’ve gotta be
Wherever you are

So many miles to where we said goodbye
To the street of shattered dreams
I’m prayin’ hard you didn’t start a life
With someone who’s not me
And if you’re just gone
Girl I’ll be movin’ on

(Chorus)

Let the sunrise find me searchin’
Let the west wind carry my plea
Give this changed man one more last chance
Open your arms to me

Wherever you are
Through rivers of rain
Over mountains of pain
Do whatever on earth I’ve gotta do
I’ll follow the dream I’ll follow my heart
Girl I’ve gotta be
Wherever you are
Wherever you are
Wherever you are




WHERE ARE YOU?

Goodbye Girl

The two choruses read thusly ......


'Cause baby, goodbye doesn't mean forever
Let me tell you
Goodbye doesn't mean
We'll never be together again
If you wake up and I'm not there
I won't be long away
'Cause the things you do, my goodbye girl,
Will bring me back to you


So remember, goodbye doesn't mean forever
Let me tell you goodbye
Doesn't mean we'll never be together again
Though we may be so far apart
You still will have my heart
So forget your past, my goodbye girl,
'Cause now you're home at last

lonely tonight

It is sad that spending a fun evening with most of best friends leaves me feeling so lonely at the end, but it does. I had such a good time. It was four couples and me, and the whole time I was there, I didn't feel like an oddball because I was there by myself.

And yet, the second I got in the car to go home, I was as lonely as I have been in months. I got to spend an evening with good friends, and have new friendships on the bloom, and have so much going for me in my life right now. And none of it seems to matter to me tonight.

Grrrrrrrrr.

prosperity gospel

There is an interesting article in the newest Time magazine about the so-called Prosperity Gospel. I sent the article to my Sunday school class. Basically, the argument turns Jesus's preaching on its head by arguing that God wants us to be prosperous in the here and now. It takes a misreading of John to get to this, in which Jesus tells the disciples that he came that we may have life and have it abundantly.

I am reminded of Jesus's teaching about those who fast and do so by not shaving and looking miserable so that everyone will know what they are up to. They have already received their reward. And I wonder if those who distort God to chase riches haven't received theirs as well.

I wonder how well prosperity theology works in the bad times. How do you handle life's inevitable downturns. How do you handle growing old, getting sick, losing the people close to you? I know how the preachers handle it - they count on society to hide and ignore the sick and poor and dying. That is why we have prisons and nursing homes after all. They make their millions from the people in their primes; after all, they are earning all their money then, and they sell them on invincibility and prosperity and never mind what Jesus actually meant or had to say about the dangers of wealth throughout his ministry.

Anyway, off to bed....

the first game ....

Well, we had a blast at Katie's first soccer game. She was very excited about playing today, which was fun. We got out there an hour early to kick the ball around. She is not the speediest or the strongest, but she sticks her nose in the pile and usually is in good position.

They do not have a goaltender yet, but play four on four and one kid is usually kept to the back to be a defender. Katie, I thought, was especially good at that. Some kids came running out to midfield anytime the ball came towards the goal, and some kids stayed rooted to the spot five feet from the goal where they were told to stand, and some kids completely abandoned the goal as if the point were not to stay between the goal and the ball but to keep the ball from going out the baseline. But Katie kept herself in position.

In the middle of the third quarter, she took the hardest kicked ball of the day right off the side of the head, which flattened her. She bounced right back up, but the official blew the whistle and everyone gasped which gave her time to remember that it had hurt some. She sat out for a minute or two, and then was back in there. I was worried that she would be afraid of contact and shy away from the ball and the other kids, but she did great.

And I was really pleased with the parents. We were all very encouraging, and by the end of the game, all the parents pretty much knew all the names of the kids and cheered for everyone without being ugly. It was very cool.

Seven more games to go.....

Soccer schedule

All games are at the Pepsi fields in Schertz, field number 9.

9/9 1:00
9/16 2:00
9/23 9:00
9/30 11:00
10/7 1:00
10/14 9:00
10/21 10:00
10/28 9:00

Speaking of Phil.....

A great song about the lunacy and arrogance of falling in love before you know anything of the world. Man, those were the days......

In A Real Love

Well, I was 18, makin' minimum wage,
With a Letterman jacket and a Chevrolet.
I thought I was cool, yeah, I ruled the school.
You were Coolatta with the strawberry lips,
You had the whole world danglin' at your fingertips.
Your senior year, an' I was your daddy's worst fear.
We ran off on graduation night.
Thought a couple of left-hand rings would make everything all right.

With a little bit a-live, little bit a-learn,
Little bit a-watchin' a few more candles burn,
And findin' out what life was.
Ooh, with a little bit a-fuss, little bit a-fight,
Little bit a-kiss and makin' up all night,
An' one day wakin' up, oh, in a real love.
Yes, that's right.

Well, I was 22, workin' double overtime.
I was spendin' dollars an' makin' dimes.
We were overdrawn an' barely hangin' on.
An' then one night you came to me,
With tears in your eyes and the EPT and said:
"Guess what? Yeah, baby ready or not."
Well, I just smiled but I was scared to death:
How am I gonna' have a kid when I'm only a kid myself.

With a little bit a-live, little bit a-learn,
Little bit a-watchin' a few more candles burn,
And findin' out what life was.
Ooh, with a little bit a-fuss, little bit a-fight,
Little bit a-kiss and makin' up all night,
An' one day, wakin' up, oh, in a real love.
Whoa, in a real love.
Yeah, it's a real love.

Mmmm, with a little bit a-live, little bit a-learn,
Little bit a-watchin' a few more candles burn,
And findin' out what life was.
Mmm, with a little bit a-fuss, little bit a-fight,
Little bit a-kiss and makin' up all night,
An' one day, wakin' up, oh, in a real love.
Yeah, baby, it's a real love.
Yeah, it's a real love, baby.
Whoa, it's a real, real, real, real, real, real, real love.
Yeah, that's right.
Hey.

A great song

I heard a new Lonestar song on the radio this morning. It is called "Come Crying to Me," and the lyrics are wonderful like most of theirs are. I don't purchase many CDs anymore but listen to the radio mostly and my Ipod. But anytime there is something out by Lonestar or Phil Vassar I can't get away from it.

I can see it in your eyes
You're livin' a troubled life
And you've been hurtin' more and more these days
You don't have to hide it
Don't even have to fight it
Baby all you have to do is just turn and walk away

When you're tired of it all
And tears need to fall
You back's to the wall
Come cryin' to me
You don't have to be strong
You don't have to hold on
You've been there too long
Come cryin' to me
I'll leave the living room light
Burning all night
No don't even pack
Don't even look back
Baby come cryin' to me

You can get beyond this
All those empty promises
They don't have to hold you down no more
Nothin' to explain to me
You don't even need a key
All you gotta do is knock and I'll unlock the door

When you're tired of it all
And tears need to fall
You back's to the wall
Come cryin' to me
You don't have to be strong
You don't have to hold on
You've been there too long
Come cryin' to me
I'll leave the living room light
Burning all night
No don't even pack
Don't even look back
Baby come cryin' to me

I'll leave the living room light
Burning all night
No don't even pack
Don't even look back
Baby come cryin' to me
Baby come cryin' to me
Baby come cryin' to me


Anyway, this one goes out to my dear friend Caroline for whom September 5th will always be the saddest day of the year. Today is four years since her beloved Alan lost his battle with brain cancer.

I never could have asked for a better friend or mentor on this journey. I know my love can't replace Alan's any more than yours can replace Becky's, but you have it anyway.

Go Nole!

Now that was an impressive victory. FSU lost four starters off of the defense to the first round of the NFL draft and still looked like the best defense in college by a wide margin. Holding Miami to something like ten yards for the entire second half on their home field was spectacular, to say the least.

Both defenses were phenomenal today. The momentum of the first half was changed entirely by a punt. FSU had the game on the Miami side of the field until they unleashed a 68 yard punt that pinned the Nole deep, and we never recovered in the second quarter. The second half was played again on the Miami side of the field, and a couple of huge third down plays made all the difference.

Had you told me coming in that Miami would double up FSU on the ground and the turnovers would be even, I would have thought we didn't have a chance. Of course, I never would have thought doubling us up on the ground would be two yards to one.

As for the ESPN 360 thing, I found it largely annoying. Who wants to look at the coach during a play? If they had more different views of the field, it would have been cooler. My dad and I were talking during the ND-GT game that it would be fun to have a wide angle shot from the endzone for a game, just to see the whole field.

And now to bed....

a new low?

I am trying to decide which is worse. Maybe my readers, such as they are, should vote on this.

I am riding home from my parents today and I hear a country rap song. Scary enough, I know. It is called, "I play chicken with the train." Within the song, he refers to it as "hick hop."

The word brutal jumps to mind.

And yet, even without a single round with Jose Cuervo, I must admit that I found my boots tapping along with the beat. I listened to the whole thing. And find myself thinking about this song hours later.

Egads.