leaving the ywbb

I never have suffered fools gladly. I have gotten better at it in the last eighteen months actually. But the time has come, at least for now, for me to leave the young widow bulletin board.

It served me quite well for several months. The main thing it did for me is help me to understand that so many of the emotional things I was dealing with were normal. This is especially true sexually, when so many of the grieving books give our sexuality such scant attention. I needed it, and I profited from it, and I hope others profited from me being there.

But I outgrew the lung cancer board at one point, too. I will always treasure the YWBB because it is there that I met some of the best friends I have ever had. But I can't participate there anymore. It takes too much of my time and energy and then it turns out that so many - most even? - aren't looking for meaning in their lives.

I am doing exactly what the Gospel says not to do. In the parable of the sower - middle of Matthew, 12 or 13 or so, I think, the sower takes the seed and chucks it all over the place. And some of it ends up on a path for the birds to eat, and some gets choked by weeds, and some gets into the rocky soil, but some ends up in the fertile soil and is fruitful 100 fold. And among the many morals of the story is to keep chucking seed. Just take your gifts and cast them out and don't worry about whether it falls on deaf ears. Just keep chucking.

And so it is vanity or something for me to wish more of what I do there fell into the fertile soil. It surely isn't what I am called to do.

And even knowing that, I can't go back.