a friend

I have a good friend who works at the bank across the street from the church. We became friends several months ago when she found out I am a CPA because her fiance' was injured in the war a year or so ago, and the government has given him a settlement, and I hooked her up with my money manager in Nacogdoches to get their money invested intelligently.

Anyway, she decided recently that she needed to end her engagement, and while I am sad for her, I also am proud of her for doing this. They are so young - she is having her 21st birthday next week, and he is not much older - and almost all of their time together has been with him dealing with the surgeries and rehabilitation dealing with the loss of one of his legs. And now that he is healthy, no more surgeries required, and is moving forward with going to school, he is no longer as dependent on her, and their relationship has changed dramatically since then. And so I applaud her for not rushing into to something right now.

I guess this story is largely the reason I have taken a break from dating. I had a wonderful evening out on Saturday with an amazing gal, but I have gone out of my way not to label it, potentially not to jinx it, I guess. It is why I would try to convince my friend of a friend Kristin to stay away from guys even as she feels ready to be out there again. I am changing so quickly; maybe not so much now as the first couple of years of this experience, but probably as quickly as anytime since I was a teenager. And it just seems unlikely that anyone I would have been compatible with a year ago would stand much chance of being compatible with me now.

I think I am turning the corner on that. I certainly feel more ready for a relationship than I have felt in 2006 anyway. But part of that readiness is also not actively looking for a relationship the way I have been. I don't know if that makes sense or not. I am open to the idea, but I am reasonably happy where I am right now. I wish work were less stressful, and I wish I could get a better handle on losing weight, and I wish I had more discipline in general. But I am also getting better at turning things over to God so that I stew on them less. So all in all, I am happy in a way I haven't been since Becky died.

I think one of the things that can happen when we enter relationships while grieving is that we tend to push aside a lot of the grief work. But the closet is only so big, and the door only stays closed so long. It is just not wise. Because when the new relationship hits its inevitable bumps, the doors open and so much of the old hurt gets projected onto the new person. I want to be past that. I don't know if I am, but I want to be.

But back to my friend. I think she is wise to postpone the wedding. She hasn't ended the relationship, and my biggest wish for them is that after time to have the new relationship settle down, that they can decide anew that this is what they want for the future. But I applaud her courage for making the decision she has made, as difficult as it was to convey to her fiance and their families. Please pray for them all in the tough days ahead.