a great first date

I had a great first date on Friday night, the best first date I have been on since Alisa, if not Becky. Those are the only two on this level, for sure. It is just a first date, but it was a really good time.

We went to a great bar called Luna's on San Pedro. It is a smoke-free establishment. The band playing was Collective Soul, made up mostly of people who play for our church's 11:00 service. They were awesome. The bar was very cool with cabaret style seating and a small dance floor and great ambience.

We got there about 8:30; the band started at nine, so we had a chance to visit and get to know each other a little more. I was very impressed with the conversation. I think it is that Natalie has such an openness about her, a real desire to know and be known. I appreciate that and really crave that. I miss the emotional intimacy more than anything else from my marriage.

And she is totally cute. Which isn't everything, but it doesn't suck.

And she has the cutest giggle. I thought that the first time we talked on the phone a couple of weeks ago.

One of the many things we talked about was a somewhat goofy question of if you could see five years into the future, would you? To me the answer is no. Worrying about the future takes us out of the present, and this moment right now is too precious for that. And she said she would like to know the answers to some big questions like whether she would be married or have children by then. I agreed with that at the time, but upon further reflection, it is the answer to the big questions that might be the most misleading.

Because if you sat me down seven years ago and gave me just the answers to the big questions, and told me I would be widowed and a single dad and working for peanuts at this time in my life, then Katie wouldn't even be here. I wouldn't have thought myself capable of being the kind of single dad that in fact am. Which is far from perfect, to be sure, but also far better than I ever imagined.

But it is only when you get past the headlines, and past the big questions, that the really meaning of the story comes into focus. Yes, I am widowed, but it is the fact that our love was proven in the fires of cancer that is transforming me into the kind of man that only Becky could ever see before. I never would have signed up to be a single dad, and yet it is the most meaningful journey I have ever been on, with the possible exception of walking with Becky through cancer.

So if I could see five years out, I would need to know I could spend some real time seeing to know whether I could answer the questions I would most want to know about.

Anyway, this is the kind of stuff we talked about, as well as the staples of first date conversations like where have you travelled and what are your favorite movies. And we shook our booties some on the dance floor, which is always a good time. And during the second set of music, I just hauled off and kissed her because I couldn't imagine not kissing her. It was just sweet and simple and as natural as can be.

And now she is heading off to Seattle in the morning, and I am going to Houston on Monday, so probably it will be two weeks before we get to see each other again. And I will choose to think of that as a positive thing and not as a torment. At least while I can, though my guess is that within another day or two it will just be a torment.